june 25 2023

not much happened today. i way overslept until 3:00pm because... of course i did. just when i thought my sleep schedule was getting back on track, too. yesterday, though, we went to my grandmas house for the final time. she has dementia and was put into a home a few months ago. its a nice place, and the staff there really care, but its still depressing. im counting down the days until she doesnt recognize me anymore. its all very overwhelming, it happened so fast.

in less depressing news about that, i got to see most of my cousins. they dont live nearby, and they're mostly in their mid-late by now, so seeing them is pretty rare. they have lives of their own now and it's hard to fit into their busy schedules. we bonded about things. ive been trying to be more social lately.

college is coming up in a little less than two months. i took a gap year to maintain my sanity after the hell that was middle and high school. im glad i did for the most part, but it also made me stuck with my mother, which is never a good thing. existing around her is like walking on eggshells. i dont know what to do. my dads only advice is "move out lol" because he's done all that he can do to help her. she doesnt want to be helped. shes content in being somewhat of a shitty person, and theres nothing anyone can do to change that.

oh, well. theres no use moping when an end to all this chaos is in sight. college, please solve all my problems...